If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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