FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
