i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
