I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
