can we get nightvision for the apartment?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
