I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
