ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
