i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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