finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
