If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I want her autograph on my taint
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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