I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
