Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My hand turned me down
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
