My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
