What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
