I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Watching her eat just hurts me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
