She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
