God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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