A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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