when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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