Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
