goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
