kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I need to calm my uterus...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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