Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
