Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
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I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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