anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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