I'm going to jail i love you
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
