I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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