im having a threesome with these popsicles
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
