It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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