i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
