He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
