What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
