How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize