So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You don't make any sense
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