I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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