the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
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I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He shit in the fireplace
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