i wish there were pregnant emoticons
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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