I showed him my bush... on skype.
false alarm. still invincible.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
