just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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