worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
