Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
