One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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