I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
