Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
