FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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