Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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