i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
