my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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