Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
