i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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