Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
