i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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