the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
