I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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