Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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