You can't special order awesome
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
