haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
