So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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