Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
