i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
