So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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