living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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