You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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