shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
