So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
