farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
