I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
