Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
a search helicopter?!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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