I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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