Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
