my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
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the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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