I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You made out with two different species that night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
