At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You are the jesus of drinking
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
