Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just want nice things and good sex
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
