...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
