I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
