I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
