P.S. I can't hear my feet
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
