Do you still have your period?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
