there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.