i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.