how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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