You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.