Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.