I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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