i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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